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14 December 2008 @ 11:10 pm
Lists, Lists, Formulating Lists!  
I'm content/ more so happy with:
  • Being Single
  • Autumn quarter grades
  • Evolving into the woman I want to be
  • Keeping 3 of my New Years Resolutions
  • My family
  • My Job and all its perks
  • Girlfriends season 4 and season 5 on DVD
  • My fashion wishlist for christmas
  • Upcoming trip to Houston
I'm becoming to be irritated with:

  • Cold weather
  • The effects of cold weather on my vehicle
  • This longing of trying to form deep connections with people who aren't ..so deep?
  • The only one who cares to clean, or buy toiletries for this apartment
  • Autumn quarter grades

     



 


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09 June 2008 @ 05:56 pm
sweet tooth. hard candy. stiletto boots.  

It would be pretty irrevelent for me to back track and deliver every intricate detail that has happened in my life up until now.  Whats important is that I'm alive and healthy and completely in bliss with this life that I've been chosen to receive. 

I came across something that I penned approximately seven months ago:
I'm well aware that I'm going to be a victim of some sort of opposition throughout my lifetime. But with every arrow that is slung my way, I can firmly grasp it and sling it back. Somehow..Someway. And, its overbearing and even more perturbable to go through life with heads throwing themselves at you with the fixed phrase of "love" on their lips with a freshly sharpened arrow in hand.

I don't appreciate being lied to, which is cliche..who actually basks in enjoyment of being lied to? But when I can clairvoyantly detract your lie to the lowest common denominator and you consistently persist..in my face..without even a blink. You're a pathetic ass soul. And I may seemingly accept your lie, but that is a weak excuse to justify it with. Your fallacies outweigh my span of care and acceptance.

I could really care less. In retrospect, I know why I wrote it and how I felt at the time. But it was just that, at the time. And at that the time there was so much melodramatic, manipulative, and straight thievery bullshit that I was surrounded with on the daily. I look back in retrospect and in contrast with my current situation and breathe easy with a smile because I realize that I'm strong as fuck, more so mentally..I can't be fucked with. I remember going through some trying ass times and thinking to myself that the breadth of hostility wouldn't last long and karma would redeem itself. That's the nature of things and thats how the universe works--when you forget it you feel invincible, when you believe it--you're humbled and aware about all aspects of life.

In other news, I feel like I'm at the climax of my game. Everything that I couldn't do, I can. Everything that I want, I have. I couldn't ask for more. I'm truly content and thankful for everything that has been brought my way, not saying that I don't have bad days and my faults--but I'd prefer looking at the good and the good always outweighs the bad. Especially when I recieve texts in the middle of the night, early morning or in the afternoon like this: "Just wanted to say..you're unbelievably beautiful. I'm so blessed, I love and miss you so much. Muah!"  I become extremely elated and not just at the thought that someone loves me, but that they're thinking about me and appreciate me as a person and how reciprocated the feeling is. It's something so different than what I've been used to..I guess we can call it grown folks love. 

It's time to chow down on some cupcakes.






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17 March 2008 @ 11:17 pm
thankyou, Brutus.  


I know I've been M.I.A as of lately..[actually 6 weeks according to livejournal] but as you could see my absence was well worth it.The grades I've been anticipating for the last week have finally been posted. And due to a not so productive day which led to frustration..I'm HAPPY, otherwise!

ENGLISH 202 BRIT LIT:1800-PRES 0515.040104-7B
HDFS 360N FAMILY DEVELOPMENT 0520.040118-6A
SPANISH 104 INTERMED SPAN 2 0515.040201-7B



Thanks Brutus!

Now if only you could help reel in a couple of more student grants. 




 
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04 February 2008 @ 03:59 pm
side notes  
 A question imposed itself in my thoughts today, "Are you living to your full potential?"  With recent events circulating around in the media (heath ledger, britney spears, rapings, abuse, fraud, scams and etc.)  and taking a introspective look at life in general..I realize half of us aren't. That isn't neccessarily a terrible thing, some of us are at a place in our life where we are content with our current state of mind. Some of us don't want to take the risk to progress or strive for more when they've been so acquainted with what they already know or have accumulated. 

Throughout my life I've never been compliant on settling for the ordinary. Not the common faux philosophies, not the belief of words from others, not in extraordinary faith from the books. I've always read the fineprint. I'm beginning to look at the bigger picture and want more for not only myself, but for my family, and my community. I want to lay down this blueprint of complete excellence so when I procreate my children will want the same, if not..even better. 

This entry of sidenotes is just reassurance provided with inspiration for people to encompass all! Not just some! Not to quote the quirky military slogan, but damnit.."Be all you can be" and most importantly do what makes you feel comfortable and happy. 

Some of you may view this and already be forming your tackless and tasteless thoughts and opinions about me and my train of thought. And for that ..I surrender two twin middle fingers because once again, my thoughts overstand you. My train of thought is too deep for you simple minded folks. Go watch jeopardy and get a bang out of life!

I was in Barnes and Nobles the other day and came across:


Am I the only one who didn't know that Jill Scott had a book of her words out? It's a great book, and in it she states how we should write daily. I really want to write daily again like I used to and I found this to be a fantastic inspiration. I need to go purchase a small pocket notebook with the rings along the sides, so I can just jot down my thoughts and muses and words. 

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06 January 2008 @ 10:09 pm
the mental/cultural genocide.  
It's ridiculous how much I ate over the holidays. Everytime I went to visit some family they would make remarks about how thin I looked, as if I were a walking billboard for anorexia. I was getting plates of food out the ass from all sides of the family tree and since I'm a lover of food(s) and stuffing my face, I couldn't resist a plate. Especially my dad's side of the family they cook it just like I love it..nice and spicy, but not so hot. Now..I'm regretting everything I allowed to dissolve in my stomach..


I was surfing the net earlier and came across Acting white - Archives - Rochester City Newspaper. This is something that seriously irritates me how can someone act a "color"? I've always said that the black culture is wavering at it's best, but we always find ways to keep each other at a hindrance. How is it that we are the primary race in America that has to deal with opposition within and outside of our culture? How is it that we are the primary race in America that lacks compassion for each other? How is it that we are the primary race in America that is consistent on wiping our own selves out? This boggles my mind times ten. I utterly disagree with Fordham when she says we aren't to blame for our own demise, thats idiotic. We control our own actions, that social conditioning bullshit is so over used that we are starting to use it as a scapegoat for everything. It's not like white people of the world are pulling loaded guns and telling us to suppress each other. We CHOOSE to jump on the bandwagon of whats "cool" and throw backlash to anyone who decides to think outside of the box. We CHOOSE to be that hating ass negro down the block when one of our neighbors or friends gets that raise.  We CHOOSE to be that chickenheaded hoe when Porsha rolls into the club looking fly, sucking our teeth and rolling our eyes.

Only ignorant ass people with no self concept and that are seemingly confused about themselves are the ones that are quick to be so judgemental. Since when was it a crime for a black person to listen to some Mud Vein, rock some vans [before that damn rap group made that vans song], hop on a skateboard, and recite some Malcom X? Since when does talking proper or acting like you have some common sense or a purpose in life condemn you as portraying a white person? That is the lamest garbage I've heard since Britney Spears tried to hold her kid hostage [LOL! I had to do it! Sorry!] 

Back to the subject.

We inhibit ourselves. The opportunity is there for us to think outside the box, but we're too comfortable with things that we know and are familiar with. We're too comfortable with things that we heard our parents say to research and form an opinion of our own. And we have this professor, Fordham, spouting off some bullshit like "Black people are not to blame for the self destruction within their own community." Maybe she's right in a sense, but the entirety  of that statement just rubs me the wrong way. That just goes to show you that people you would assume and holds higher education aren't always the most..bright one's.

All I can say is think for yourself. Do what makes you happy. You can't live for the entire black nation nor are you a spokesperson for every black person. The only person you have to answer to is the person that reflects in the mirror. 

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